Let's Yodel like a Kangraroo! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!
by dagan
Summary: This is in response to Meatloaf the Happy Donkey's contest. Enjoy!


Title:: "Let's Yodel like a Kangaroo! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!"  
  
Author:: Lady Opalkat, a subsidiary of dagan  
  
Summary:: This is in response to Meatloaf the Happy Donkey's contest. Hope ya'll enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer:: JKR owns Harry, Ron, Hermione, McGonagall and Snape. The Beatles own the lyrics 'Yellow Submarine'. Whoever owns Barney and Digimon own them. The movie 'Pirates on the Silicon Valley' is owned by Cable. Vertical Horizon owns the lyrics to 'You're a God'.  
  
A/N:: I am so, so, so sorry. This story is really... pyschotic. As my dad says in response to me saying 'I'm weird.': 'You're always weird. Today you're just weirder.' I started this like right after I took two cold pills. Maybe that explains it. Oh, and I'm also sorry Stephanie and Rob: I just needed people's names, and it's usually easier for me to write when I have a personality to base it on.  
  
Oh, and if any Fresians or Canadians are offended by this story, I am so, so, so sorry.  
  
P.S. This is a diary in Hermione's perspective!!  
  
Rules:: The theme is a funny Harry Potter story. It must be sent to MeatLoaf@nc.rr.com by February 20, 2001 and it must contain ALL of the following  
1) the yellow submarine song.  
2) Barney the big purple dinosaur.3) A redneck driving a hippie van  
4) A Digimon calendar5) A giant, neon-green, letter "A"  
6) Two sumo wrestling bunnies  
7) A really stupid guy named Hans who can't speak English.  
8) Somebody has to name something "Bubba"  
9) A book about Pirates  
10) A yodeling kangaroo  
11) McGonagall and Snape have to go around trick-or-treating as hippies  
12) Somebody getting high on rubber cement  
  
~*~  
  
Diary:  
  
How, why or when I let Harry and Ron talk me into a road trip, I don't know. I do know that the car Harry has rented has a broken radio, and all Ron knows is 'Yellow Submarine' and that's all I've heard since ::checks watch:: 10:00 am. Harry decided to counter-act Ron by singing every TV theme songs he's ever heard... then I started with all the show tunes I know... no one knows as many show tunes as me, not even Stephanie, the sixth-year who drove Snape insane by humming them during every class for six years... no, not even her. I've been alive longer; therefore I know more.  
  
[later]  
  
Did I mention we're in America? I didn't think so. Ron wants to get the 'total American experience', so he's taken to buying random crap. Today was Barney, a huge talking dinosaur doll... the lady said he was dreadful popular with the kids... he's broken, too, so some of his phrases come out garbled. My favorite: 'Let's sumo wrestle like bunnies! Ribbet! Ribbet!' The boys believe this doll, so now we're heading off to California in search of sumo wrestling bunnies. Harry says if we can't find them there, then there must be some in Seattle.   
  
  
Diary:  
  
Did you know in the town where I was born lived a man who sailed the seas? And he told us of his life in the land of submarines. So me and my bud Meagan sailed up to the sun, until we found a sea of green, and we lived beneath the waves in a yellow submarine.  
  
[later]  
  
Things were going fine today until a red Volkswagen microbus cut us off... Harry informed him he was number one using fingers... then we were looking down the barrel of a sawed-off shotgun... Ron nearly wet himself. They made me talk to the lunatic... so I sweet talked him... says his name is Rob... if we ever need a decent coon pellet, call him... gave me his number... we drove off without further incident. Ron commented I had picked up his accent: 'G**damn, now you sound like the hillbilly!' I like it, so I talked like him the rest of the evening.  
  
Today they got Furbys. They're worse than Saint Barney, our patron of travel. The Furbys aren't allowed near me or my stuff, mainly because Mr. Weasley's words still haunt me about if you can't see its brain... they learn to recognize things... creep the hell out of me.  
  
Favorite bumper sticker of the day: My karma ran over your dogma.  
  
  
Diary:  
  
Today Harry insisted on picking up a hitchhiker. His name is Hans... all he speaks is Fresian... he got in a fight with Saint Barney, who, I assume, quoted a famous Fresian philosopher. Ron thought he was dumb, but by then Harry had taught him to sing "You're a God" and all he remembered was 'You're a god and I'm not.' I've always wanted a minion.  
  
[later]  
  
Ron's random piece of crap today: a Digimon calendar. He thought it was Japanese porn. Sometimes I wonder about him...  
  
Tonight I'm sleeping with Harry. See, we normally just get two beds and the guys share, but there is no way in hell I'm sleeping next to Hans. He's taken to sniffing rubber cement and he never caps the bottle, so there's rubber cement every where in the car, and I'm afraid I'm going to wake up with rubber cement in my hair.  
  
But, as Hans gets high, his I.Q. raises. He looked directly at me and proclaimed me to be Bubba. After some quick research (What, you thought I'd go somewhere without an encyclopedia?!?), it turns out Bubba is the Fresian goddess of beauty and sex. I'm beginning to grow attached to Hans, but there is still no way in hell I'm going to sleep with him.  
  
Diary:  
  
Some how we're in California now. Hopes of seeing sumo wrestling bunnies are higher each day, just like Hans. This morning he built me an altar. The crowning touch was huge, neon green letter 'A'. I asked him why, and he said 'Because your great and powerful name starts with 'A', great and beautiful Bubba.' I think the rubber cement is killing too many brain cells. And, if you haven't noticed, he's picked up some English, mainly 'great and powerful' and 'Ron is my master.' Guess who taught him that one.  
  
Ron's random piece of crap today: A book about pirates. It's supposed to be the script to the made-for-TV-movie 'Pirates of the Silicon Valley'. Ron thought it was porn, again. I had to explain the difference between silicon and silicone. Harry thinks he sniffs rubber cement in bed with Hans.  
  
[later]  
  
Today Hans got in another fight with Saint Barney, this time whether a kangaroo could yodel or not. I wrote the gist of it down:  
  
S.B.: Let's yodel like a kangaroo! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!  
H: Oh, great and powerful Saint Barney, you're a god and I'm not.  
S.B.: Please hug me again.  
H: Oh, great and powerful Saint Barney, I have yet to hug you once. You're god-like knowledge impresses me greatly. ::hugs Saint Barney::  
S.B.: You're my very special friend.  
  
Hans broke down in tears after that.   
  
[later]  
  
We were cut off by a another rather ugly redneck in another microbus today. His name was Joe Bob and his wife's name was Cletus. They threatened us with several tired looking hounds and drove off. Hans decided they were the ambassadors from Canada, who'd finally come to take him back to Frisia.  
  
Diary:  
  
If my life was a book, then today would be one big plot-hole. Harry insisted we picked up two more hitchhikers today. I argued we were in a Geo, and there wasn't anymore room, but do they ever listen to the girl? Anyway, the two hitchhikers happened to be Professors Snape and McGonagall. The expression on Harry's face told me he wished he had listened to me. I would have smirked, but I had to sit between Hans and Snape.  
  
I think Snape likes Hans as much as we do. He especially likes his vocabulary. Hans decided Snape was another one of his gods, Damelos, god of long, hot sex. His name literally translates from Spanish into 'Give it to me!' I think Fresians are rather horny...  
  
[later]  
  
Hans has introduced both professors to the joys of rubber cement. The effects are, well, interesting... Snape dancing in heart boxers in the car... McGonagal hitting on Ron... they finally decided they had to go trick-or-treating and made Harry go to a Goodwill store to get proper costumes (They wanted to be hippies.) Ron consulted his Digimon calendar and decided against telling them it was only March. Instead, he went shopping.  
  
[later]  
  
Ron got a new suede coat and a tie, and Harry bought a three-piece suit for five dollars. They got me a pair of orange corduroys. But I still can't believe it. They found a map to the cave of sumo wrestling bunnies at Goodwill. We dropped of the professors somewhere in Fresno. We're now heading off to Eugene, Oregon.   
  
Diary:  
  
Hans has abandoned rubber cement for bananas. Harry and Ron have taken to bananas, too. Fortunately, Saint Barney has spoken. He said 'Let's eat carrots like frogs! Neigh! Neigh!' So they only eat bananas when they're not near Saint Barney, which means if I carry around Saint Barney everywhere we go, I don't have to worry. Yeah, right, I'd rather they ate bananas.  
  
Ron's random piece of crap today: a large kangaroo. He pointed out the best part: it yodeled. He gave it to Hans, who proclaimed Ron to be the god Zofopvozim, the god of devilish wizardry. I think Ron should be the god of not knowing of good porn. Harry feels left out, since I'm Bubba and Ron's who his is. No one can pronounce his name except for Hans, who I guess is all that matters.  
  
Diary:  
  
We've finally reached Eugene and we're heading to the cave. It's raining. Hans said the Digimon calendar proclaimed it would. I think he's taken to the rubber cement again  
  
[later]  
  
A bouncer bunny let us in after Harry gave it some fudge. We promised we wouldn't talk about what happened, but the bunny Harry named Damelo won.  
  
Ron's random piece of crap today: Damelo's thong. He traded Hans' huge, neon green letter 'A' for it. Hans didn't care. He decided this cave would be his new home. This was after consulting the Digimon calendar and Saint Barney. I'm really going to miss Hans, but now I have my own bed and back seat, which is nice because Harry has cold feet. My only problem is Hans taught the boys a native departing song before we left: 'Back seat, windows up, that's the way I like to f***.' I hope they don't get any ideas.  
  
Diary:  
  
We're back in England today. The people at the car rental place weren't too happy with the state the car was in. Something about rubber cement stains...  
  
I miss Saint Barney, who now resides at Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. Ron let me keep the kangaroo, though, so he killed two birds with one stone: me missing Hans and Saint Barney. Some day I hope to return to those caves in Eugene...  
  
Dumbledore is a little cranky because McGonagall and Snape have decided to marry and become flower children again. This means a new Potions master! And two new heads of houses, but a *new* *Potions* *master*! Gryffindor is positively elated.  
  
[later]  
  
Harry has received an owl from Hans today. It proclaims him to be Draco, god of uncommon good looks. Harry's face is so funny: half of him is happy he's finally a god, but the other half is scared his god name is Draco. Ron nearly wet himself over the fact Draco is the god of uncommon good looks. I'm just happy I'm Bubba.  
  
Well, now that the road trip is over, I guess I should... ::a knock sounds at her door::  
Oh, hey Ron, what's up? Ron, why are you carrying a radio? Ron... Ron? WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE! YELLOW SUBMARINE! YELLOW SUBMARINE!  
  
[fin]  
  



End file.
